Human Virus Scanner

Viruses you suffer from:

Linux

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

Junkfood

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Sci-fi

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

Free BSD

The GPL isn’t that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

UNIX

Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

Windows

Try MacOS X. It’s based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn’t suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

vi

Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.

Politics

Stop caring!

Brand Names

Having a well-known name doesn’t make it good.

Computer Games

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Environmentalism

Consume more stuff! It’s easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Viruses you might suffer from:

USA (80%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

8-Bit (90%)

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

Religion (60%)

Read “God’s Debris” by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

Discordia (80%)

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

X11 (60%)

I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.

Conspiracy Theory (67%)

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that’s quite scary.

Hippyism (60%)

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Prog Rock (60%)

Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD’s they don’t crackle.